Kill The Clown!
by the-CHELO
Summary: For years, The Joker has raised havoc in Gotham City, and gets locked up only to escape and resume his psychopathic terror all over again. Well, Red Hood had enough of Batman making lame excuses to not kill the stupid clown, and decides to take the law into his own hands! How does he do it? By directing a crowd of bitter Gothamites toward Arkham Asylum to kill the Joker using song.


_**Parody of The Mob Song from Beauty and The Beast. I own neither Batman nor Disney. I politely advise that you don't sue me, please.**_

Red Hood:

Batman is as crazy as the clown. The Joker will make off with the innocent! He'll skin them overnight! We won't be safe until I shoot a bullet through his damn head! I say we kill the fuckin' clown!

 _(All of the Gothamites cheered)_

Judge Harkins:

We won't be safe until he's dead

Quincy Sharpe:

He'll come butcher us at night

Simon Stagg:

Said to ruin our businesses for his maniacal delight!

Howard Brandon:

He'll wreck havoc in our city

If we let him wander free

Red Hood:

So it's time to take some action boys, it's time to follow me!

Cross the street, past the woods

To the lunacy and madness

It's simple bullshit but it's one perplexing ride

Three blocks down and we're there

At the gates of an asylum

Where there's something truly terrible inside

It's a clown!

With a smile, rather wide one

Shock buzzers, flowers full of acid

Hear him jeer, watch in fear, but we aren't in the clear

Till he's dead, fuckin' dead!

Kill the Clown!

Batman:

Jason, no! I won't let you do this!

 _(A SWAT Squad firmly took hold of Batman from behind)_

Red Hood:

You're not with us, you're against us. Bring in the Commissioner!

 _(Another SWAT Squad hauled Commissioner Gordon toward Batman's direction)_

Commissioner Gordon:

Get your hands off me!

Red Hood:

We can't have them saving The Joker.

 _(Red Hood pointed down at the open entrance of an underground vault. Swiftly, The SWAT team threw both Batman and Commissioner Gordon into the entrance and immediately locked the iron doors. Then, they pushed two heavy steel blocks over the doors)_

Batman:

 _(Banging the iron doors)_ Jason!

 _(Red Hood turned back to the crowd)_

Red Hood:

We'll rid this city of this Clown. Who's with me!

 _(Within the cheering mass)_

Azrael:

I am!

Damian:

I as well!

The Creeper:

Hee hee, Ditto!

Gothamites:

Raise your pike, mount your bike!

Red Hood:

Drag your courage to the crazy place

Gothamites:

We're counting on Red Hood to lead the way!

Cross the street, past the woods

Where within Arkham Asylum

Something 's lurking that strikes horror everyday

He's a clown!

One as thin as a toothpick

We won't rest till he's good and deceased

Sally forth, tally ho , grab your hoard of ammo

Count your luck and here we go!

Red Hood:

We'll launch an assault on Arkham, and blast the fucker's brains out!

 _(Within the underground vault)_

Batman:

I have to stop Red Hood! If only there was a way to get out without causing an explosion that will have the roof collapse on top of us. Commissioner, any ideas?

Commissioner Gordon:

Hold on, I'm thinking...

 _(Outside of the underground vault nearby)_

Catwoman:

Hmmmm...I wonder if I should help Bruce, or have the opportunity to snag a couple of diamonds from the jewelry parlor...

 _(Reverting back to Red Hood's army of Gothamites)_

Gothamites:

We don't like, someone who

Makes us laugh, in fact it kills us

And The Joker is just trifling downtown

Bring your guns, bring your knives

Save your children and your wives

We'll save our city and our lives!

We'll kill the Clown!

 _(Meanwhile...With a couple of mischievous inmates at Arkham Asylum)_

The Penguin:

I knew it, I knew it. I knew you shouldn't have tampered with the rigged security system!

The Riddler:

Maybe I would've found a way to work around that if you weren't here hassling me!

 _(Manbat entered from the window)_

Manbat:

Something's approaching Arkham.

 _(The Riddler walked up to the window)_

The Riddler:

What could that be?

 _(The Penguin and Harley Quinn followed suit)_

Harley Quinn:

Is it the B-Man?

 _(Fright abruptly consumed all three of them)_

The Riddler:

Gasp! Riddle me this! What has-

The Penguin:

Gah, not now Edward!

Harley Quinn:

It's an angry mob!

The Penguin:

Oh no! I did not went through all this trouble just so I can be herded down and killed! We're going to survive this-Cobblepot style!

Harley Quinn:

I gotta warn Mistah J!

The Penguin:

Okay, here's the plan. We going to release all the inmates and have them take care of the savages coming our way. Once they engage in bloody battle, you, me, and Joker will use the secret route on the goundlevel floor to escape out of the madhouse. Who's with me on this?

 _(A door slammed shut)_

The Penguin:

Waugh! where did everyone go?!

 _(Back with Red Hood and his angry mob as they approached the gates of Arkham)_

Red Hood:

Take care of any inmates that come your way, but remember: the Clown is mine!

 _(And...now with the breached Arkhamites)_

Arkhamites:

Let's break out, scream and shout

We go raging through the hallways

Ready for the mob to soon be beaten down!

Gothamites:

Part the gates, let's begin

With hundreds, no doubt we'll win

And with us hundreds marching in

We'll kill the Clown!

 _(In the warden's office)_

Harley Quinn:

Mistah J!

The Joker:

Not now, Harley! I'm busy. _(Said so while pinning needles on a Batman plushie)_

Harley Quinn:

But Mistah J, we're in deep guano!

 _(Deep guano indeed, for the angry mob can be heard from outside the Arkham walls)_

Gothamites:

Kill the Clown!

Kill the Clown!

 _(Checking with The Riddler, who was walking through an empty hallway with Scarecrow)_

The Riddler:

Status report, Jonathan.

Scarecrow:

We've unhinged all cellblocks from the second floor all the way up to the fifth floor. But Edward, are you sure it's wise to release life-threatening people like Bane, Poison Ivy, Killer Croc, King Shark, And Clay Face?

The Riddler:

Jonathan, Jonathan, Jonathan-please! I am a shining intellect. I know what I'm doing. Letting loose dicey criminals at our disposal is the most effective method! _(Looked up to spot Scarecrow wearing a blank stare)_

 _(At the same time he said that, the angry mob's uproar grew louder)_

Gothamites:

Kill the Clown!

Kill the Clown!

 _(Finally back within the warden's office, after Harley Quinn explained the whole situation to The Joker)_

Harley Quinn:

What should we do, Puddin'?

The Joker:

...Oh what the hell! I'm flattered that they came all the way here to kill me. Let them in!

 _(As permitted, the angry mob broke down the gates and breached into Arkham)_

Gothamites:

Kill the Clown!

Kill the Clown!

KILL THE CLOWN!

The Joker:

Hehehe. You know what they say: let's do or die! Dahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!

FIN

* * *

 **Yeah...My parodies are odd...But when an idea comes to mind I just can't help it. BTW, thanks guys for reading and reviewing the Back In Arkham Again story. It made me really happy! Hope y'all leave some reviews on this song as well. Tell me if it was fantastic or horrific; any kind of comment is fine with me! Thanks for reading!**


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